Lonely or just ALONE
- Sep 21, 2017
- 4 min read
Do you sometimes have that feeling of being lonely or that loneliness is creeping up on you on a Sunday evening when that Carte Blanch jingle starts playing? All you want is that someone to be with you, indulge in some ice-cream, chocolates or just some proper junk food. But most of the time that is not the case, some may associate that irritating jingle of the fact that you are stuck at home, another night, ALONE.
But is that truly being lonely, or is it just you feeling sorry for yourself that you don't have a significant other to make you feel special of fill your heart with happiness.
According to Wikipedia:
lone·ly
ˈlōnlē/
adjective
sad because one has no friends or company.
synonyms: isolated, alone, lonesome, friendless, with no one to turn to, forsaken, abandoned, rejected, unloved, unwanted,
outcast...
So are you really lonely? I can definitely relate to some of the synonyms mentioned above (not about Carte Blanche! I ignore that show like the plague, it is way too depressing to end your weekend with so much negativity)
Before we go into all the details about why this blog is so relevant not just for me but for so many friends, family members or any person reading this!
There are two big differences between being lonely and wanting to be alone.
During my experience in the hospital all I wanted to do was be alone. Be in my own thoughts, deal with my own problems and just be there for me. Funnily enough, both my dietician & psychologist mentioned that I shouldn't make too many friends or become too involved with the other patients. Because at that point you become their psychologist and person they confide in. Then, instead of focusing on your recovery you are focusing on their problems.
I did experience this with a teenage patient that confided in me and turned to me for advice instead of confiding in her psychologist. It was so sad for me to try and keep my distance because I saw my teenage self in her. I was her, I felt her pain. But I had to make the decision to put up my boundaries and be there for myself.
I chose to be alone and just mingled with people that had a positive energy and made me laugh. But in the same breath, they respected my privacy and emotions. If they saw I was upset or emotional they would first ask whether they could come and sit with me or if I needed time alone.
A few very close, very special friends came to visit me during the 3 weeks. Those were the people that made me feel save and cared about what I was going through. Those are some of the the only people that I have seen after my release.
I made a conscious decision to be alone. But the question is what am I really doing? I am scared. That is basically it.
Since I have been back to "reality" I miss my friends immensely. It has been weeks, even months that I have actually seen many of them. I've had the opportunity to arrange a get-together, but something seems to be holding me back. I want to see them, but I also want to be alone and to deal with everything on my own. There is that feeling of loneliness that is creeping up me that I can't explain.
I am a very social person that always initiates a get-together or an outing. Now, all I want to do is cancel (which I never do because I never say No to anything "fun"). I want to be alone, or just be with my family, but also I miss my peeps, and want to see them, but in the comfort of my own space. It is the weirdest thing, suddenly it feels like I have social anxiety. WTF!!! That is not me...
After they told me I am on the verge of Pancreatitis, and with all the meds that I have to drink I actually can't go out and "party". But unfortunately, I still do... when I either feel anxious or overwhelmed I turn to alcohol. I can't do that anymore. I can't be in denial anymore. One day I have to stop, and just breath and realize I can't live like I use to.
I feel lonely, or more alone. I already went through the process of being lonely. Nobody can fill that space or void. I would rather go to the gym on a Friday night than for drinks after work because I don't know where to stop.
Basically the decision I have to make is who I need in my life. Who I want to allow to take the loneliness away. Or is it me? I have to be content within myself.
It is so funny, who would ever think to be alone and experience all these emotions and struggles within.
When you have been in a relationship for such a long time you don't always experience being lonely. However, when this relationship happens to be a long distance relationship, it is a completely different story. You would have to make peace to be lonely and alone for weeks on end. But you don't. Maybe it is different for the person that is actually away and busy with life on the other side, but you are at home and have to go on with life without them, and act as if everything is OK.
After the breakup, you are the person having to deal with being alone once more and try to move on with your life. I am not saying it is easy for the other person. But they made the decision to be on their own and to live two lives. Now suddenly, the feeling of rejection and loneliness overcomes you.. It sounds a bit pathetic, but that is life.
Now. You, Tell. Me. How do you take that feeling of being lonely or the decision of being alone, away?
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