Dealing?? Overcompensating?? Happy??
- Nov 23, 2017
- 2 min read
FINALLY !!! I got my dream job!! It is about fucking time... My old boss called me and asked if I am currently working, my anwser was , uhm no, I am currently drinking a glass of wine with my friend. Of course there were all the laughs.
He then asked me if I wanted to work for Tommy Hilfiger SA again. My heart skipped a beat and I almost burst into tears, I have grown with the brand and it has been my baby for over 4 years.
So far, we have worked long hours, opened one store, 5 to go in the next week. But I am loving every moment of it! To such an extent that I don't mind working early AM to late PM. It is what I love, and I have the utmost respect for my boss.
FYI , our Head Office consist of myself and my boss... All the Fun :) . No pressure at all !!
Now this is where it gets interesting. By now, if you have read my other posts, you most probably would have noticed that I have a bit of an addictive personality and also a fight or flee tendency, especially if I don't want to deal with actual issues or people.
A bit of alcohol, thoughts of self inflicting and ALL the work has been my crutch to try and deal with stuff. I really LOVE what I do, and the opportunities that are lying ahead for me are insane and mind blowing. So why waste my time on boys, parties, sadness etc , rather focus on one thing . The thing that makes me happy right now. So what does that mean??
I AM HAPPY!!! RIGHT???
NO......
Am I actually happy as Celeste?
I have a sparkle in my eye again after almost a year. Why? Because I am doing what I love!
BUT WAIT, ARE YOU HAPPY?? Yes, I think so! A very good friend asked me "are you OK, happy and content?" My original answer was "Yes!". He said fair enough, my work took me out of a dark place and brought the old Celeste back to life! He then asked if I didn't have the job, would I be happy, ok or content? I never actually thought of it in that way.
I only started dealing with my breakup recently because I fled... and guess what, I fled again now... Through my work. I can't DEAL!!!
Why does everything come back to the same shit, the same issues. Why can't I just move on and forget?
All the dreams are such a mind fuck... I actually wake up pissed, sad or just in a state where I don't know if it was real or not... But then I get up, get my shit together, pull myself toward myself and get ready for the day to come.
So, NOT dealing. Well I don't want to right now. I want to thrive in my job and be the best I can be without any distractions or sadness.
I CAN'T DO THIS ANY MORE! Fuck it....
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